Recently a friend of mine asked me to fill in for him teaching a class. As I was reading over the material for the night, I was reminded of how God wants to partner with us not only to help us achieve our vision and goals but also in our every day life. We don’t have to do things alone or in our own strength. God wants us to dream, create and simply live life, partnering with Him in all we do. Continue reading
Continuing with the theme of “process” this week! I wanted to specifically talk about the dark times in our journey where we can’t see what’s ahead of us and we feel uncertain and alone. The unknown is one of the scariest parts of process but I believe there are things we can do to help take us through in peace.
I am trying out something new! I have struggled with blogging – getting the ideas and thoughts in my mind to translate clearly when I type it out. My last blog was ready to be published – or so I thought. Then my “editor” (aka Carlos) reads it over and suggests I just TELL him what I am trying to say. Continue reading
When I was a little girl, I never doubted the stories in the Bible. I had faith. I believed God so much that I thought I could walk on water if I had enough practice. I used to try carefully stepping on top of the water while the tub drained. I must have thought the different levels might help or something. Ha!! My confidence in God was unshakeable. I knew His power could overcome any situation.
I carried my childhood faith into adulthood, always believing that the prayers I was praying would be heard and answered. Year after year I would find myself waiting for Him to respond to what I had been asking and trusting Him for. Year after year it became harder to stir up my faith and continue to hope that God would move on my behalf. I handled these unanswered prayers the best way I knew how but I remember sensing the walls begin to come up between the Lord and I. Thoughts would pop into my head while I was in spiritual conversations with others like, “Is that really true?” or “But have YOU really seen God do stuff like this in YOUR life?” “He didn’t do it for you so why would He do it for them?” They were all subtle enough that I could usually push them to the side and move on but I could tell that my spiritual life needed help. Continue reading
We are more than halfway through 2017!! It’s interesting to look back over the past 7 months and reflect on where I was in January. I remember feeling like God was speaking to me about it being a “new season” and several spiritual leaders that I follow were talking about it being “a year of breakthrough”. I KNEW I had to get serious. Several times in the early months while I was in the middle of reading a book, playing a video game or binge watching Netflix, I clearly heard the Lord tell me I was wasting my time. Yikes! As I continued to walk things out, I also started asking Him to show me any areas of my life that were not pleasing to Him.
I went home during Easter and received some unexpected prayer. I heard the Lord tell me that I was hiding my talent. (Mat 25) It was such an odd way He spoke too. It was a quiet thought and there was no emotion or inflection in the words. I could have ignored them. Instead I chose to examine what He spoke and allow those words to penetrate my spirit. I knew I had been “hiding” for quite a few years.
As far back as 2013, leaders in my life that I trust and love began sharing with me about things that they were seeing and feeling. Many times it included how they saw me speaking and teaching large groups of people. They used words like: “stadiums” “thousands” and “your own thing”. I COMPLETELY resisted those ideas. In my head, my thoughts were, “Ohhhh nooo that’s not me.” I even told my friends, “well you know that scripture where it says we see in part and prophesy in part?? That’s what is happening here.” To myself I said, “I am just creating a ripple effect by impacting one person I will impact thousands”….that little thought was fear. And unbelief. My inability to take a huge idea/dream and go for it.
Someone told me that when I speak the children are fed and when I am silent the children go hungry. They said that my words are a feast at the table of the Lord. That was one of the most heartbreaking statements I have heard. I HAVE been silent. I knew I needed to seek the Lord in repentance and direction. I fasted. I began to investigate my WHY. Who am I at the core of my being and why I am called to do the things God has called me to. God spoke to me during my fast. He told me to start my journey with blogging and He told me to start an online connect group where I could share what I have on my heart to whoever wants to come. I know I need to move forward. And that’s what I am choosing to do. There is a verse that says “Forgetting what is behind and pressing on towards what is ahead….”. I had to forgive myself for my choices and lost years. But I am pressing on. I am choosing to take every opportunity I have to speak and share. To not hold back. This journey has been hard because I don’t like to mess up or make mistakes. This feels like it’s really huge and its overwhelming. Saying yes didn’t even bring me a sense of relief. If anything it has brought stress and anxiety. I think this is just an aspect of refining that I am going through. It’s all worth it though. I am out of hiding now.
I’ve been very introspective the last few months, asking myself and God lots of questions about who I am. I’ve even thrown out the “What am I supposed to be doing with my life” and “What is my “WHY”” questions for good measure. It kinda sounds like a mid-life crisis when I type it all out!! I promise that isn’t what is going on here! It’s actually been kinda nice to be in this season where I am allowed to search these things out and where I don’t feel any pressure to make “decisions” or be defined by a label. I gave myself a blank slate. It hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. When you start searching your heart, sometimes things show up you didn’t know were there and then you have to deal with them. I have filled up a notebook and talked Carlos’ ear off. We have white boards in the kitchen loaded with ideas, thoughts and plans. It’s definitely been a journey and I am not done yet. I am excited about the direction that I have so far and can’t wait to share more.
As a white female raised in Texas I realize that even though I consider myself “open- minded” and lacking prejudices, I simply have not had the experiences some of my brothers and sisters have. When I look at Ferguson through MY lens, I see a tragedy but our justice system properly at work. HOWEVER, I have very good friends who I respect and love that are telling me that there is something else going on, a bigger issue, not just a single incident. I hear them saying that I need to look deeper. I choose to re-examine what has happened historically & currently. I begin to realize that in truth, I might not know or comprehend things like I think I do. But I WANT to understand. I acknowledge that the black community has been deeply hurt and for that I am sorry. Forgive us for how we have ignored your concerns, our insensitivity and refusal to admit there is a problem. I hate prejudice & racism in any form. I hate injustice. I want to stand up for what is right. I want to be brave enough to admit that: maybe I have been wrong. I like this article by Lecrae & this one by Propaganda. I’m still learning.